Many people do not understand INTJs to the point that they may feel alienated and alone. Most of the time INTJs enjoy being alone, but they also don't want to be completely misunderstood. Humans as well as many species in nature don't want to be alone all of the time as there is a need for others for survival. They feel alienated when the few people in their life that they let in do not understand them. This can lead them to doubt their own self and self worth. It is therefore pertinent that INTJs understand themselves, and come to terms that many people will not understand them, but as long as they understand themselves and others accept them and don't ask them to change their core personality and functions too much that it is all right. No one should ask you to change who you are unless you are directly and purposely harming them or yourself.
I have made the mistake of trying to change myself for others, such as forcing myself to be more extroverted and take on more social interactions and activities than I really feel comfortable with and even taking on the role of counselor too much. Being social and a counselor, although I do care about people, is just not me. So, in the end, I pleased others when I did this, but felt drained myself.
Below is a INTJ descriptions that takes into account the strengths and nuances of INTJs and offers some advice on building self acceptance and self confidence. I will also post more about this issue in the future.
INTJ
Visionaries - ‘Time is of the essence.’
INTJs
are self-assured analytical types with a great need to innovate to
achieve their goals. They are usually very original, creative thinkers
who need to feel and appear competent.
INTJs’ particular intellectual style
comes from the interaction of their preferences for intuition and
thinking. They are usually very gifted at seeing the big picture. They
often talk about “mapping” things out in their head and seeing how
things fit together. This makes them naturally drawn to systems-thinking
or any type of thinking which requires facility with connection,
abstraction and complexity. They are able to use these skills in the
kind of careers which often attract them – architecture, law, and
management. Many scientists and engineers have a preference for INTJ.
INTJs often appear to others first and
foremost as thinking types. This is because thinking in all its forms –
from critiquing to prioritising – is what INTJs most readily do when
engaged with others. But at heart, they are primarily ideas people. It
is when they spend time reflecting that INTJs find connections, operate
on hunches, theorise and cultivate their vision. Unlike their outer life
which is usually fairly structured and controlled, an INTJ’s inner life
can sometimes seem a pretty chaotic maelstrom of possibilities and
ideas.
Of all the types, INTJs are most
motivated by “vision”. They have a great need to come up with a
unifying idea of a future, improved state which is then their job to
realise. This inner vision can be so strong for INTJs and so individual
that they are often reckoned to be the most independent-minded of all
the types. In other words, they will sometimes cling stubbornly to what
they “know” to be true and they will refuse to listen to others.
INTJs have a great need to be purposeful.
They need to feel they are continually achieving, moving towards their
vision or improving their mastery or competence in some way. Time is
truly “of the essence” for INTJs.
This often means that INTJs come across
to others as potentially impatient and time-pressured. Of all the
introvert types, INTJs reguarly communicate in ways which can make them
appear like extraverts rather than introverts. For example, they tend to
speak quickly and forcefully, putting a great deal of energy into their
communications.
Their true introverted nature, however,
can be seen in their need for privacy. To feel sane, INTJs must spend
quality time alone. This may mean time for solitary pursuits or it may
mean time for reading and writing. Like all NT types, they dislike
social chit chat. If they are going to expend energy conversing they
usually want it to be more puposeful than that. This means that INTJs
can be difficult to really get to know.
Competence is an important issue for
INTJs. They have a need to feel they are able to do everything very well
and to appear competent to others. Many will say they will just not
tackle jobs if they think they will not be very good at them. On the
other hand, they can get bored easily and need to feel challenged.
As TJs they find it easy to keep their
focus on being organised but like all NJ types their lack of attention
to practical detail can mean their organisation falls apart slightly at
the seams. They could misread their diary, for example, or pick up the
wrong documents.
However, of all the N types, INTJs can
sometimes be very good on detail if it is related in some way to the
attainment of their bigger goal or if they feel their competence may be
at stake in some way. Proof-reading documents, is a case in point. In
these instances, they will go all out to ensure there are no mistakes.
The research on type preferences in the
UK suggest that only 1.4% of the population have a preference for INTJ
and that it is the least common type. It is not surprising then that
most INTJs say that they are aware of being “different” from most of the
people they meet.
Relationships, other than family and a
few close personal friends, don’t usually matter greatly to INTJs yet
they are often conscious of wanting to serve people in some way. Indeed
many an INTJ’s vision is ultimately designed to make life better in some
way for people.
But relationships with others can present
a difficulty for INTJs. They know they cannot achieve their vision
alone and they can drive others towards the same exacting standards of
competence and commitment that they use for themselves. This can cause
resentment, particularly if the INTJ has not learned to openly
appreciate others and thank them for their efforts. Female INTJs often
learn this lesson more readily than male INTJs.
Ultimately it is important for INTJs to
keep their intuition within useful bounds. They must come to see that
their inner vision is not always right. It can be overly abstract and
impractical and not take adequate account of human feelings, frailties
and values. They can become more effective if they learn to use their
own thinking skills to critique their vision more and by soliciting and
paying attention to other people’s views.
INTJ overview
Words to describe INTJs
reflective global independent
determined innovative original
quick focused objective
theoretical logical structured
analytical critical private
Careers attractive to INTJs
Management positions of all kinds,
particularly senior management. Architecture, law, engineering, science,
social science, research, management consultancy, computing.
Needs at work
- The opportunity to have a “vision”.
- To feel challenged and display their mastery..
- Privacy and time for reflection.
- May need encouragement to consider others’ views more.
Anticipated work/team strengths
- Having a strong vision for what the organisation could be like.
- Coming up with new ways of looking at problems.
- Finding logical flaws in other people’s thinking.
- Seeing the big picture and the movement of trends.
- Having the courage of their convictions and not being side tracked easily.
Potential problem areas
- May come up with a vision or ideas which are not practical enough.
- May stubbornly refuse to listen to others’ views.
- May not take adequate account of people’s feelings and needs and subsequently alienate others.
- May be so critical and confident of their opinions and goals that other types feel intimidated or driven.
- May be unaware of the impact their style is having on others.
Likely areas for improvement
- Considering and then factoring in the “human” element” in their decision-making.
- Deliberately consulting other types and considering their opinions before making decisions.
- Learning to thank and appreciate others for their efforts.
- Asking others for feedback.
Common relationship Issues for INTJs
INTJs show caring by spending time with
people discussing things of interest to them or doing something which
stimulates both parties’ interests in some way.
INTJs like others to admire their
intellectual abilities and their insights. They also like people to
respect their need for privacy and time to reflect.
INTJ Type Dynamics
Dominant – intuition – introverted
Auxiliary - thinking - extraverted
Tertiary - feeling
Inferior - sensing
source: © Carol Craig | http://www.centreforconfidence.co.uk/type-resources.php?pid=376
