INTJs and Social Relationships - Advice

As an INTJ, I'm a natural cynic and can be judgmental at times, but I'm trying to become more tolerant because if people would dismiss me for my faults (yes, we INTJs admit on rare occasions that we have faults), then I would not like it.  Logically, it is impossible for anyone, even ourselves to be perfect, although INTJs strive very hard for this ideal.  However, I have learned that while you can do your best to perfect an idea, a theory or a project, it is impossible to ask this of fallible humans. Instead, it is better to draw back and examine when we are overtly critical and dismiss people, as I have done in the past. We must be thankful to those who accept and love us in our lives, and offer the same acceptance and love to them back in return. When you get annoyed or angry about the illogical behaviors of people in your life, try to look at the whole nature and history of actions of the person.  Often, people are not aware of their behaviors. I have tried as many INTJs I'm sure have tried also, to advise people or even uttered sarcastic comments in the hope that they will change for the better, but no one including ourselves changes unless they come to an awareness within and their own desire to change.

Personal relationships are my weakest skill as is the case for many INTJs, not because I am not capable or adept at being social as I can be when I want, and I understand social dynamics, but I prefer not to be social. I enjoy activities done in my own company than those done in the company of others, such as reading, researching, writing, even sewing. However, I have let friendships go because I go months even years not fostering them. So, now, I make more oc an effort to sustain them. To grow and be the best person that you can be, you must not only emphasize your strengths, but also work on your weaknesses. To offer a metaphor, if there is a just a small air bubble in a sheet of ice, it will eventually affect the foundation and strength of the entire form. I still find that friendships require more time than I feel comfortable giving. For instance, I feel overwhelmed and a little uncentered when I hang out more than once a week as I need most of my time to be alone in my own pursuits, such as my job, education, family obligations and interests. Since my friends are of different groups, I often see each close friend once a month now, and less close friends 2 to 4 times a year. It seems very little to the average person, but it's what I'm comfortable with, and I've grown tired of forcing myself to overextend myself as I did in the past. My true friends are very accepting and understanding, and I am so thankful that they understand that seeing them only once a month doesn't mean the intensity of my care for them is diminished. There have been done friends who have been more needy and demanding, and I tend to see them less as it's draining. You should be compassionate to friends when they are ill or they are going through crisis, but I find that many people get needy and expect their friends to be counselors for everything. Feedback is necessary for all, whether it is trying to determine your career path or a decision about a relationship, but continual dependence on others for happiness, emotional peace, to vent stress or for advice on the same issue time after time is not conducive to one's growth or the well being of the person it is being asked of.

Dealing with Criticism (Food for Thought)

Food for Thought - Let Go...

The Benefits of Yoga, esp. for INTJs

I practiced yoga regularly for a few years, and it was one of the most clear periods in my adult life.

Recently, I started practicing yoga again, and while I only do a half an hour every day and meditation for 10 minutes daily I am getting just back into it, I am already seeing a change.  I feel more relaxed mentally and more energy physically.  INTJs can benefit a great deal from yoga as we are always thinking and analyzing, and doing yoga and meditation gives us a chance to clear our head once in a while.  Clearing your head is important because it allows your brain to de-stress and think afresh.

Many studies have shown that meditation and yoga helps the memory, reduces stress and gives you more energy.  A Harvard study even found that yoga helps anxiety and depression.  You don't have to convert to a religion to do it.  You just need to become in tuned with your body, your breath and nature or your other surroundings.

Below are links on a few more reputable studies as I know we INTJs like scientific studies/proof.

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletters/Harvard_Mental_Health_Letter/2009/April/Yoga-for-anxiety-and-depression

http://psychcentral.com/news/2010/01/12/scientific-basis-for-yoga-benefits/10693.html

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/diet-fitness/fitness/articles/2010/09/24/benefits-of-yoga-how-different-types-affect-health

http://web.mit.edu/newsoffice/2011/meditation-0505.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200304/the-benefits-meditation

http://nccam.nih.gov/health/meditation/overview.htm


There are many other studies out there, but I also believe in trying things oneself.  See it as an experiment.  Practice yoga or mediation for a short period once a day for a month, and see how you feel.  You don't need to even go to a yoga studio unless you like the experience of exercising with others. A true INTJ, I like to exercise solo.  I only go to studios if a friend is with me as it is also a bonding experience.  Usually, I put on a Baron Baptiste or Rodney Yee video or even a YouTube video from a certified yoga instructor, and I do yoga at home or even in my hotel room when I travel.

The Experience of Depression

Notes from Understanding Depression by J. Raymond DePaulo Jr. and  Leslie Alan Horvitz 

Chapter 1 - The Experience of Depression

Those with depression often see no way out. Idea that there is light at the end of the tunnel goes on and off until you stop believing it.

Depression can drain the trust that others have in you

• 3 criteria for depression

• • changes in mood, vitality, mental liveliness, self regard and self esteeem; episodic; and tends to run in families

• Hallmark Symptoms of depression 

• • Self Image - Despair, feel worthless and that everyone is bound to find out; the prospect of receivung help may fail to lift your spirits; feel worthless, useless and no prospect for the future; feel drained, inability to focus or concentrate; only able to read words one at a time, but unable to take in a whole paragraph; unable to focus on what others are saying
   
  • Physical vitality - tend to feel fatigued, lack stamina that you used to have to do things; getting started in morning is difficult, and you don't have the energy to do things that would normally be second nature to you; decreased ability to perform tasks that require concentration or mental effort - this inability can transform minor challenges to major crisis, especially at work; feel worse in the early morning hours and better in the evening; 
   
  • Health and weight - overly preoccupied with physical condition that was previously seen as merely an inconvenience; increased symptoms of existing conditions, like migraine; sex drive may disappear and appetite may decrease to weight loss or even increase to weight gain.  Weight gain in more normal in depressive state of bipolar, seasonal depression or those with long standing depression.  1/3 of people see no change in weight.
   
  • Probably able to get through most days, but with difficulty. May take 6 hours to accomplish what you would normally do in 2 or 3; more errors and performance may become inconsistent 
   
  • Sleeping - increases for people with chronic and seasonal depression; those with episodic experience and extreme forms of depression loss of sleep. Typically have fewer problems falling asleep, but staying asleep is harder. Usually wake at 3 or 4 am and find it difficult to fall back asleep.
   
•  
• 
  
  

  Chapter 2 - Feeling Worthless

  
  
  Self criticisms from depression can creep without raising any alarms.

  
  

  The sense of worthlessness can be so pronounced that the most heartfelt reassurances are not heard. 

  
  

  Warped reasoning

  Some feel that friends are secretly angry at them, but won't come out and tell them because they are just being polite. This is why close relations are hard to maintain. One patient felt that his wife's reassurances about loving him were not genuine and that she was insincere or stupid because if she knew how hollow he was, she would not want to stay with him.

  
  

  Other observations of depression

  Loss of muscle tone - causes them look exhausted all the time. 

  Some walk or talk more slowly. May take one to two minutes to answer a question, even that requires a yes or no.

  Stupor - unable to move; so uncertain what to say or do that they could not act. 

  
  

  Depression and Anxiety 

  Depression is often associated and clustered with anxiety.  Severe anxiety can even be seen as a manifest of dpression. Not all people with depression have anxiety, but they are associated, and many of the same neural pathways and brain regions are involved in both. Depressed people can become so fearful (phobic) of scrutiny that they feel that other people are staring at them. Even walking into a room to exchange a few words may overwhelm them. For many people, when the depression lifts, the anxiety does too. However with some, the anxiety remains.

  
  

  Anxiety types - panic attacks, phobias, Obsessive Compulsive symptoms
   
   
   

Food for Thought - Hold On...

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Productivity Blogs for Procrastinators

I am seeking to get more done this year. I have been slow in my progression of my career in the last 5 years as I was trying different industries and soul searching. Now that I have found my way to my calling, I need to beat my nemesis, procrastination due to my perfectionist standards.  Although I am creative, I need a little guidance on where to start (or rather how to return to eons ago) to a path of discipline.

Here is a great list of Productivity Blogs according to zenhabits.net (http://zenhabits.net/the-top-50-productivity-blogs-most-of-which-you-havent-heard-about/):

• Lifehacker
• 43 Folders
• Lifehack.org
• Web Worker Daily
• Get Rich Slowly
• Dumb Little Man
• Steve Pavlina

• Wise Bread Personal Finance Forum
• Zen Habits
• The Simple Dollar
• LifeDev
• David Seah
• What’s the next action
• Getting Things Done
• Scott H Young
• Productivity501
• Black Belt Productivity
• LifeClever
• Productivity Cafe
• steve-olson.com
• Pick the Brain
• The Daily Saint
• Daily PlanIt
• Life Optimizer
• Leadership Training | Cultivate Greatness
• The Cranking Widgets Blog
• My Empty Bucket
• HD Biz Blog
• Open Loops
• Motivational Speaker – Craig Harper
• Your Life. Organized.
• Effective Time Management
• Laura Stack – The Productivity Pro
• Make It Great! with Phil Gerbyshak
• Slacker Manager
• Managing with Aloha
• Getting Finances Done
• Neat Living Blog
• GTD Wannabe
• Organize IT
• Matt’s Idea Blog
• Ian’s Messy Desk
• Passion Meets Purpose
• patrickrhone.com
• Achieve IT!
• Personal Development For A Greater Life
• The Positivity Blog
• Change your thoughts
• Legal Andrew
• ProductivityGoal
• Success Begins Today

Psychological Implications of Clutter

INTJs need organization and structure to function optimaly. Our cousins INTP are quite all right and at ease with a little clutter, but it sharply hinders our productivity and bothers us immensely.

I can only truly focus when my desk is absolutely clear, and my home is organized. I am a very visual person and being an INTJ, disorder drives me crazy and is quite distracting and draining. I am very strict about cleaning my house weekly, and I never fail on sweeping and mopping as I have major dust allergies. However, sometimes when I am not not feeling well for a week or two or if I fall behind on organizing and cleaning surfaces, the house can get a bit cluttered. As I am very perfectionist about organization (very INTJ), I don't like to do it unless I have the time to make it as best to my standards. I don't always have the time, so I have gotten overwhelmed at times or just put it off, and it then becomes a vicious cycle of clutter and lack of productivity. I have reorganized every week or two, but reorganizing is not enough because the clutter returns. At first, I thought it is because I don’t have enough time to clean as before and that I don’t put things in their rightful places because I am sometimes in a rush. One solution I have realized from looking back on my life is to try to de-clutter and lessen my possessions as it is impossible to organize and clean too many items.

Many times we keep items because it gives us a sense of security. A guest on Oprah noted that many people keep things and develop clutter because they fear the future, or for other psychological reasons. I am a not a compulsive hoarder, it would be advisable that readers take a look at this link if they have a problem with clutter and hoarding.

We can all relate to some of these items in some manner, but the most important thing is to not let yourself slip too much if you do slip. I notice that I always buy stuff or keep stuff to alleviate boredom and take my mind off stress or insecurity about the future. I started  buying items after I got a job because I was not able to without feeling guilty to when I was not working,  and I indulged now that I got a job.

I watched a movie called Mongul about the life of Ghengis Khan, and the rusticness and nomadicness of life back then really appealed to me, though not the violence. It always makes me appreciate my life, and make me feel happiess when I live as simply and with as few items as possible. Having too many items lures us into a false sense of security especially when you may feel you do not have control in your life in some areas, or are unsatisfied in some areas. However, it actually does not alleviate those feelings, but adds  more fuel to it because many possessions make you loose your control of what is important to you as you are bombarded with so many items. It also takes away from your time as you have to care for, clean and some even subconciously worry about loosing stuff. Make sure that security is in yourself and your life, not in your possessions.

Letting go of Negativity & Criticism for Growth

I have been in a bit of a rut the last few weeks, and I cannot focus on work or studying. This is difficult for me as I work from home and study at home. My work does not pay very well, and is based on an hourly rate, so distractions and not being able to focus for hours means a loss in my pay. As for the studying, I have to take 2 GRE exams (general and subject) in the next few months, so I really do not have the luxury of loosing time.

Yet, when at home, I get distracted with reorganizing my possessions, cleaning the house, and going on the internet for hours. There were many times in my life when my focus was superb. I have been thinking about those times, and what facilitated that focus. I am an HSP (highly sensitive person), so I am affected by excessive sensory stimulation. However, since I do not have to deal with the stress of a micromanaging or domineering boss as before, my environment in terms of people is not the issue. However, I have worked out of a hotel for a few days every few weeks when visiting my husband when he is away for work, and my focus has been a lot better. I do get sidetracked and watch the history channel at times as I do not have cable at home, but overall, I am not as distracted and pull myself back after wasting time for a certain interval.

Looking back at my entire life and at the times when I was able to focus and also reflecting on why I am able to focus better away from home, I realize that my possessions and worrying about the well being of others seriously drain my energy. There is such a thing as doing too much of both. This morning, in the hotel, I started thinking about the several bins of clothing, shoes and bags that I have to go through as I am trying to weed out my clothing to have a more minimalist inventory. It brought me down so much that I unconsciously started surfing the web for a few hours to not think about it. Yesterday, I began to think about how needy some people in my life are for self assurance and for me to pick them up. This also weighed down on me and drained my energy as I realized after years of positive talk to them, only a person can change their own happiness, and it is selfish to ask others to do that. Although I am a caring person, I am also an INTJ, and I show care and love in different ways. However, what makes it hard to show care to these people as they have been very critical of me as a person, and also of me not showing enough even when I am trying. So, being that they are somewhat negative people and with their past history of being critical, I often feel guilty and drained when thinking about or trying to show care for them. This has affected my focus and my self esteem over the years because I feel that no matter what I do, it is not enough for them, and they do not accept me as I am.

I am certainly not an unfeeling person, and show care to my husband and 4 close friends often enough, but these people are positive or at least show me care in return. Very lopsided or one sided relationships where one is doing most of the giving or when demands are placed upon one who is not of the ability to fulfill them are draining and bad for the psyche. So, despite my guilty feelings, I have decided to limit contact with those people until I am at a healthier place psychologically to do so. I have spent my whole life in guilt in wanting to take care of myself first and have given a lot of my time and care that I did not have to extra to give due to it. However, after seeing a psychologist who noticed this pattern, and who told me that I had a right to care for myself too, I am trying to become healthier and raise my self esteem that has been broken directly and indirectly by negative people and many of emotional and verbal abuse.

When we are able to let go of the pain of the past, and build our self esteem and ourselves again, then we will be able to give. However, we cannot cover the pain with a false sheet of trying to be a good person and being a martyr for those we love. Otherwise, it only builds resentment that resurfaces later and actually taints the love or care that we feel for others. I am a private person, so I don't reveal things about myself such as I have above to most people. However, I do hope that others who have gone through verbal and emotional abuse that has affected their self esteem and sense of self worth would be brave enough to love themselves first before trying to love others.

Achieving Goals starts with Small Feats of Discipline

It has been difficult for me to balance working  and studying with the multitude of distractions presented by doing these things from home.

Let me preface the urgency of my situation. I have taken a significant pay cut and am only working part time in order to be able to study and ace the GRE. There is a lot at stake as my husband is paying most of the rent now, and it causes financial strain on him and guilt within myself because I want to contribute more. So, I am certainly not a typical person wanting to go to grad school just for kicks or because I just finished college and don't know what to do nor do I have all the time in the world or my parents supporting me financially. In fact, I have a$40,000 loan that I need to pay back, plus current utility bills (at least $300/mo in NY), my transportation and personal expenses.

However, despite this urgency, I have had an incredibly difficult time in the last 6 months trying to balance my work and study. Last year, I was even off for most of the year, studying for the LSAT, and I did not utilize the time effectively. I scored high on the prep-test (168) after only actually studying for 2 and a half months for 2 hours, 3 days a week. Still, I did not feel a sense of accomplishment because most of the week, I was reorganizing my possessions, going out with friends or reading online. I decided not to continue with the LSAT because after having a talk with my husband and a few professors, plus my experience in law, I realized that the loan of law school would be $186,000 minimum and I really wanted to teach, not be confined to practicing as a corporate lawyer. However, I would not be able to teach until I had experience in a firm for 8-10 years, and that is the requirement and also to pay off the loans.

Since I changed my focus to my real passion that I have had since I was 6 (academia, language, learning, teaching, writing, reading), but which seemed impractical as it does not pay a lot, I have felt a lot more motivation and joy when I actually study.  The LSAT was boring and a chore for me. However, despite enjoying studying for the GRE, I have not been able to study a lot or consistently because I have been reading minimalist fashion and design blogs online, reading novels, watching the History and Travel channel and reorganizing and DE-cluterring at a very slow pace, and catching up on work after procrastination on these things. I thought that perhaps my distraction was my home as it is in a state of disarray as I have brought everything out of storage in an effort to de-clutter and reduce my possessions a great deal. However, progress with that has been slow as I have indecision about discarding many things as I am not making a lot of money, and beause I feel guilty to be wasting my time de-cluttering when I should be studying or working.

On some weeks, I have decided to do my work from the hotel where my husband is staying for a temporary assignment, but I am still laden with the distractions of the internet and TV.

So, today, I decide to do a little experiment. After breakfast, I decided to do some studying in the lobby of the hotel with just my textbook and my cell phone, which has a dictionary program that I needed to use. I used to think that being around people distracted me, but I discovered that it was noise. I actually was able to focus and study intensely despite a few staff around. I did start getting distracted when some more staff came and they started getting chatty. However, even with the noise, I was able to focus more than when in the hotel room. In the hotel room, I do not have a lot of stuff, so I reliaze that it is not my possesions at home that prevent me from studying, although I want to get rid of at least half of them. My conclusion is that my biggest distractor in work and in studying is my computer due to the internet and the television.

I felt an increible boost of self confidence when I realized this and after studying for just an hour and a half. I had begun to think that perhaps I had ADD or just was not as smart or able to concentrate as I was able to in the past. I also realized that by getting a small goal accomplished through discipline, I felt more of an urge to reduce my time on the internet or watching TV, and I also felt a freedom from possesions and a desire and courage in place of the fear to reduce my possesions. This realization came as I felt so much more joy and esteem from studying and learning than I did from watching TV, being on the internet or from any of my possesions. I felt the freedom and hope that I had to succeed as I had when I was younger. I also realized that my depression has been affected from not pursing and working on my passion for a career. I have felt a shadow of myself for the last 10 years while I have been in law as I did my job well, but I kept leaving jobs as the environment was too harsh, money oriented and not intellectually stimulating and intellectually challenging for me. I felt like a failure to have the capacity and skill to do a job, but not being able to sustain emotionally in the environment. I also felt like a failure to have spent so much time trying to make it work and not going after what I really want. Since I made a decision to switch fields, I have felt a weight lift. However, only today, when I have engaged in my passion of learning have I seen the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know I have spent a lot of time describing my experience, and not a lot giving advice, but what I can sum up from this is that it is so important to challenge your habits and ways of thinking when you are trying to find your passion or make a change in your life. Try going without the internet and TV for a day and do something you really enjoy (unless it is web maintenance or something having to do with broadcasting or film). Taking small steps outside our comfort zone is the only way to experience your true, authentic self.

INTJs & Overanalysis - A Few Helpful Tips

One reader recently voiced the frustration experienced from over-analysis and perfectionism, which are two INTJ qualities than can be debilitating if taken too far. Here is the original comment to my post titled INTJs Love a Challenge, but Not for Ego. My analysis (no pun intended) and a few tips to cope with this are below.

 

Well... I know it feels good trying to keep with our high standards (sometimes excessive that we hardly achieve them).

But speaking about ego, I think I'm experiencing what people refer as ego diffusion... People say that INTJ take thorough and consider multiple aspects before making their decision. And I think I take too much of them... It's like I'm overwhelming with tons of perspective from different sources & aspects. I, then conclude that everything is just relative; there is nothing absolute. That kind of thought leads me to horrible performance of my life, and suddenly I feel like I don't have any worthy goal... I lost my will to achieve my own standards. I know it's freaking pathetic & useless thought, but I just can't get rid of it. It's been 2-3 years and I'm still drowning into such subconscious thoughts.

Do you have any suggestion about how I can kill or control of this? Seriously, I really want to stop thinking, stop analyzing things, stop planning, then enjoy and live my life... 

Understanding INTJs Natural Inclination to Overanalyze

I understand the frustration of this reader as I have had many periods of inertia due to over-analysis in the past few years myself.

The good news is the ability to analyze things in different ways is one of the best qualities of INTJs it is what makes them open minded and visionary. However, as you and I have both experienced, INTJs have an almost obsessive quality of gathering and analyzing information and issues. This can lead to procrastination and loss of self esteem (ego diffusion). The reason for this is because while our close relatives, INTP also like to gather information, they like to gather information and look at issues for the sake of just learning. While we, INTJS love to learn, we are also pragmatic systems people in that we gather and analyze to make decisions, create solutions and applications. Thefore, we require closure. I have found myself analuzing issues and gathering information for days, weeks and even months. While on one hand I see this as increasing knowledge, it does leave me feeling a loss of self esteem because I have nothing concrete to show for it. Herein lies that need for closure and application.

It is interesting that you write this comment to me now, as I have started to make small behavioral changes in my life in the past few weeks to combat this inertia and loss of self esteem. I have found that since as a true and extreme INTJ I analyze everything down to my toothpaste and when choosing to donate an item of clothing, I need to put limitiations on what I focus my mental energy on. Although I am sure we have both tried to, the truth is that it is virtually impossble to focus your mental energy on every issue. It is especially hard for INTJs are we are perfectionists and cannot rest until an issue or activity has been thoroughly analyzed or pefected. However, trying to apply these high standards to a numberous amount of issues and activities just leads to your mental focus being streched thin, and you not being able to truly accomplish anything.


 So, I employed a few tactics (below) that may help you as well.

Some Possible Solutions

• I made a list (INTJs love lists, don't we) of things in my life that I have been focusing my mental energy on. 

• Then I made another list of goals that I want to achieve in the next 5 years.

• I then streamlined my 5 year goals to just 3 goals.

• Lastly, I looked at the activities on my first list and decided what were aiding my goals and what weren't. I have decided to cut out or cute down on the ones that do not. 

• If your issue is analyzing your thoughts, which I also struggle with at times, I would recommend that you do meditation.  Meditation may be difficult for you at first as we have active brains, and it is hard to slow down or ignore the thoughts as meditation requires. However, mindfulness meditation is a bit easier to do as you focus on your body and your breath. It also helps you to live in and focus on the moment, which can help aid in releasing your active thoughts for a few minutes, so they are not constant and making you feel neurotic or stressed.

• If meditation is difficult, yoga is a great alternative because while you are doing poses, you are forced to focus on what you are doing and not to analyze it or do anything else. Otherwise, you will fall off the pose. It forces you to be present and to release your analyzing, which has been very good for me. I don't do yoga as much as I should with my overactive mind, but whenever I am feeling especially stressed or tense, I try to do it. You can do it at a studio or with a video. Both work for me. 

• Taking walks in nature is also a great way to release the stress and over-analysis. Focus on beauty of the trees and the fresh air.

I think the hardest thing is breaking old habits, but it can be done as you become aware of them. For instance, I have spent a lot of time DIYing in the last few years as I love being creative. However, I also write, which is creative and more in line with my goals. So, I am in the process of de-cluttering my fabric stash and kitchen gadgets.

I also like looking at blogs and collecting pictures on minimalist interiors and fashion because I am intruiged by the idea of creating an effect with less. However, this is not in line with my goals. I also like to research music, bands and artists, and figuring out their influences and genre, but I can get carried away with spending too many hours analyzing this as well. So, I try not to do this at all or to no more than three hours a week. It has not been easy at first, but I find that turning off the computer is key for me.

I also love the History Channel, National Geographic and the Travel Channel, but I now limit myself to just a few shows, rather than keeping the TV running most of the day.

Your challenges and activities will be different, but you must figure out where you are spending your time, and what is worthy of your mental energy. While we INTJs think everything can benefit from analysis, it does not always translate into success and self-esteem. So, we need structure and limitations on what we analyze as we will naturally analyze every thought and thing that crosses our path.

Most of all, remember that although as INTJs we may believe otherwise, in reality, it is impossible to be perfect in everything you do. This is something that I have had to come to terms with. So, since INTJs can't help but wanting to do things perfectly, cutting down your activities or the things that you are focusing on allows you to try to dedicate your time to doing a few things extremely well. 

As I give you this advice, I am also employing these tactics myself, so I know it is not easy to change habits or to cut out things that you enjoy, but all things that are worth it take time and effort. I will share more tips on my blog about this, so please stay tuned. Also, let me know your progress and any tips that you may have as well. 

Would you be happy without friends or possessions?

If you had no friends, no possessions or were isolated from these things for a period of time, would you still be happy?

I think that at the heart of unhappiness is unhappiness with the self.  Granted that we human are social beings, and we are phsyical beings, so we do need some social interaction and also the necessities of life, such as food, clothing and shelter. I think the things beyond the necessities of life bring us joy, such as art, music, books, and even lovely things. However, no matter how many friends we have and objects we may possess, without a healthy contentment in who we are as people, we cannot fully enjoy these things.

There are times when I have gone through periods of stress or depression, and I have purchased items, but I always knew that I am just procrastinating on facing my discomfort or discontent in a situation. Sometimes, I found that just as looking at nature's beauty brings me peace, the beauty of these objects brought me some joy. However, unlike the awe that nature inspires in me and the lessons that it teaches me, these objects soon loose their utility even in their beauty when I am struck with the reality of an apartment running out of space, money wasted or time having to care for these items. This is why I keep coming back to voluntary simplicity, and intend to stay there consistently from hereon.

However, de-cluttering or simplifying is not the entire solution to finding peace, purpose and bliss. I have seen and read a lot of films and surveys on happiness, and they often conclude that many people who have less than others are actually happier because they have a support network and a large group of friends and family. I meet people often, and I am not shy, but because I am an introvert and an HSP, I prefer to keep a small, but amazing group of friends and family. I enjoy time with them a great deal, and there is a mutual exchange of care and value,  but a part of me is well aware that I cannot rely on them for happiness or peace. In fact, after a week or several days of spending a lot of time with people, I often feel a little disconcerted and as if I need to find my center. I know that it is partly due to me being an introvert and HSP, but I also feel it is due to an existential awareness that happiness is deeper than people or things.

Happiness is not even in achievement as I know that I achieved a lot academically in my early years, but a few setbacks derailed me and made me loose confidence in my self worth as I associated it with success. I made a lot more money at my previous job than I do now, but I was still unhappy because I was not challenged and stimulated nor pursuing something creative or that I was passionate about.

From the few and wonderful moemnts and periods of bliss that I have experienced in my life, I would say that true happiness is when we are living in the moment and appreciating the moment - the good, the bad, the dark, the light - all that is around us, and when we are doing that thing that sets us afire, that comes naturally and that inspires us and is what I may dare say, we are put on this world to do. It is elusive staying in the moment or finding that thing that makes us come alive, but once you have a glimpse of it, that is what we must remind ourselves of. So, while I enjoy my family, friends and possessions, I am also had periods when I feel disconnected from others and/or disoriented with the things I own or where I am success-wise in life. These moments of inner turmoil and despair have been my teachers and reminders that I must try and keep aware of that elusive peace of the present and that driving power because nothing else has given me such pure and true peace.

INTJs Love A Challenge, but Not for Ego

A lot of people confuse INTJs as being unemotionally competitive. However, their debates and actions are based on principles of exploring different sides of issues based on logic, rather than ego. I am a true INTJ as over the course of the last 10 years, I have taken several versions of the Jungian Myers Briggs Personality Test, of which I find the humanmetrics.com one the most thorough and  accurate, literally more than 50 times. I think people are perplexed because I am a very thoughtful and caring person with those I love, and I am polite with most people, unless crossed, as I believe you should treat others as you would like to be treated. I am not rude or unnecessarily blunt to people as some think INTJs to be. However, I do get annoyed greatly and can be very intense when I see people being illogical, rude or selfish. I am competitive, but not with friends or family. I do compete at work and in school, but it is not with other people, but rather it is myself with whom I compete. What I mean by this is that I have very high standards for myself and am a perfectionist, not because I think I am better than others in the least, but because I am hard on myself when I am not giving my best.

It is hard to explain to non-NTs (ENTJs are similar in their high standards as well) because they think that I or other INTJs are just being argumentative or stubborn. It is absolutely nothing personal, but INTJs just have a hard time letting go of issues that are not thoroughly thought out. There are times when I will hold myself back and will refrain from discussing issues as I do not want to disrupt the harmony of a moment, but in my mind, I turn the issues over and over again in my head sometimes even for days after. I have been told that I am complex and intense. This is not always said in flattery as sometimes people have told me that I think too much and need to let things go. However, this is who I have been since I was a child of 3 or 4 (my earliest memory), and I accept myself as I am and frankly, after much self reflection and self criticism in my life, I like who I am. Still, I do not want to inconvenience others or make them uncomfortable. Now, there are INTJs who may be more egotistical about proving their point, but that is probably due to another issues that they may have, such as insecurity, narcissism or bi-polar disorder. Most INTJs that I have met are just very cerebral, intense and misunderstood. So, next time someone seems intense and argumentative, as long as they are not criticizing or putting down others, reflect on them, and think whether they may be an INTJ. Under that cerebral cloak, we are actually very ethical and fair people. Make your case logically, and we are also very open-minded.

Please comment on your experiences with INTJs or whether you relate to this if you are an INTJ.

INTJ Pisces - born on the Aquarius-Pisces Cusp Feb 19-26

Sometimes for fun, I delve into astrology - not the daily prediction kind, but the descriptions of characteristics.

I was born on the Aquarius-Pisces Cusp, which is the first week of the sign from February 19 - February 26, although some people say it is the first three days, February 1- February 21, in which case, I still fall into the cusp. This cusp is also called the Cusp of Sensitivity. It is very interesting how being an INTJ and an HSP also fit in perfectly with being born on this cusp. I definitely do not relate to the regular Pisces definition as I am not easily led, submissive or overly caring/martyr as they paint Pisces to be.

Here are a few descriptions of this cusp. Can you relate if you were also born on this cusp as well?

AQUARIUS/PISCES

"In the ozone, pure and simple. Not of the earth. Don't even try to figure them out. Terminally spaced out. This sign rules lost mail, the government bureaucracy, selfless individualism and decentralized fish." 



Fixed Air & Mutable Water this is perhaps the strangest combination. Both of these signs are unconventional as far as society is concerned. They seem to know things other people don't know. Aquarius desire to know with Pisces intuition could be very helpful. However, they aren't on the same wave length. It takes some objective observation to make this unusual combination fit. Society is no help when it comes to putting it together. Pisces belongs to the mystics while Aquarius belongs to the scientist. Of course, no one fits this pattern exactly. Both must find a part of society in which they feel most comfortable. Those dealing with this cusp of qualities in one chart must find a unique way to blend these two abilities on their own. Most of you will be rather silent about what you are able to recognize since you realize very early that no one else recognizes things as they appear to be to you. If you worry too much about other people, you may put so much pressure on yourself to fit in that you distort the best of what you have. If you are able to deal with the difference you recognize between you and the society in which you find yourself, it is possible for you to develop some real genius qualities. It will be up to you to recognize these differences and not try too hard to get the recognition you would like to have to help you develop your ideas. If you have enough control without looking weird, you will be able to learn something from everyone, even if they understand very little, if anything, about the way you see your world. Psychic phenomena is natural to you. If society laughs at this too early in your life, you will shut it off and deny you ever saw anything. You will learn very soon that others don't see what you see. You will have to decide whether you can find a safe way to be yourself or if it would be safer to try to be more like everyone else. Singers, actors, authors, and that in-between group which cannot be classified are able to do a good job with this cusp.

Source:http://accessnewage.com/articles/astro/cusps.htm#AP 
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Born on the Aquarius-Pisces Cusp

The Cusp of Sensitivity: A dreamy, compassionate place

Wondering what happens when your birth chart combines the energy of quirky Aquarius with dreamy Pisces? If you were born on the cusp of these two horoscopes signs, between about February 16 to 26, you were born on The Cusp of Sensitivity -- a compassionate and imaginative place.

Spiritual, artistic, peace-loving and friendly, Aquarius-Pisces cuspers are highly original people. This is the cusp most likely to be labeled “offbeat” or “eccentric,” and its citizens are stimulated by visionary ideas and new experiences. They are highly intellectual, however not so good with practical details and follow-through.

These cuspers may be social or shy, or they may be a peculiar mix of both. This is because pending time with others is a great stress relief, but at the same time they are so sensitive they often choose to hide out alone and escape into their imaginations instead.

Aquarius-Pisces is also arguably the most intuitive cusp placement, lending a naturally psychic and compassionate view of the world. Delving into spiritual matters and philosophical ideals is much more important to these folks than simply managing the details of day-to-day life. For this reason they may lose things, forget appointments, show up late or stand you up. But don’t be mad -- it’s only because they were too preoccupied thinking about how make the world a better place on a much deeper level.

Source:http://www.dailyhoroscope.com/horoscope-headlines/aquarius-pisces-cusp

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Aquarius-Pisces Cusp – February 16 – 26

Characteristics: Pisces Cusp

01. Aquarius/Pisces are selfless and spiritual, often strongly intuitive and receptive to the collective unconscious.

02. Those born on the Aquarius/Pisces cusp reflect the dual nature of life, reality and non reality, consciousness and the unconscious. They represent consciousness through the flowing of ideas. They work hard to bring their ideas to fruition, stubbornly refusing to give up their causes.

03. They are peace loving and friendly, and are the chameleons of the Zodiac, receptive to the needs of others but sometimes getting lost themselves.

04. Aquarius/Pisces tend to be strongly spiritual (not necessarily religious) and artistic. They are idealistic, but sometimes their dreams are vague and impractical.

05. When reality intrudes, they can become pessimistic or lethargic, but they are very adaptive and broad-minded, so they can rework their ideals when necessary.

06. Aquarius/Pisces are tolerant and open-minded, but tend to stick to their beliefs. They are compassionate, sensitive, imaginative and sympathetic to the feelings of others. They tend to be romantic and sentimental, but they may give in to escapism.

07. They are devoted to their goals, but they can be disorganized or procrastinate when faced with difficulties.

08. Their intellect makes them logical and self-confident, but it may also makes them aloof from people around them.

09. They are original, offbeat and even eccentric, but they are also rather bored by detail. Reformist and experimental, Aquarius/Pisces may seem cold toward people who don’t share their intellectual orientation to life.

10. Those born on the Aquarius/Pisces cusp may become timid if their emotions are abused too often.

11. Aquarius/Pisces are often multitalented, both in scientific and creative endeavors.

12. They are unique and rebellious people who are driven to change the world. However, they can be shy, quiet and sometimes elusive, refusing to show their true selves.

13. They are modest and thoughtful, sometimes displaying remarkable musical talent. Their freedom is important to them, and they are often driven to help others become free, as well.

14. They may work to alleviate their emotional stress through contact with others and exercise.

15. The great strength of the Aquarius/Pisces is in their visionary nature and their compassion. They are the people who take the world to the next level; they make others see things in a new light. Their ability to break the rules and help others reach their fullest potential makes them one of the most understanding characters of the zodiac.

Source: www. astrology.com

Fixed Air & Mutable Water this is perhaps the strangest combination. Both of these signs are unconventional as far as society is concerned. They seem to know things other people don’t know. Aquarius desire to know with Pisces intuition could be very helpful. However, they aren’t on the same wave length. It takes some objective observation to make this unusual combination fit. Society is no help when it comes to putting it together. Pisces belongs to the mystics while Aquarius belongs to the scientist. Of course, no one fits this pattern exactly.

Both must find a part of society in which they feel most comfortable. Those dealing with this cusp of qualities in one chart must find a unique way to blend these two abilities on their own. Most of you will be rather silent about what you are able to recognize since you realize very early that no one else recognizes things as they appear to be to you. If you worry too much about other people, you may put so much pressure on yourself to fit in that you distort the best of what you have. If you are able to deal with the difference you recognize between you and the society in which you find yourself, it is possible for you to develop some real genius qualities. It will be up to you to recognize these differences and not try too hard to get the recognition you would like to have to help you develop your ideas. If you have enough control without looking weird, you will be able to learn something from everyone, even if they understand very little, if anything, about the way you see your world. Psychic phenomena is natural to you. If society laughs at this too early in your life, you will shut it off and deny you ever saw anything. You will learn very soon that others don’t see what you see. You will have to decide whether you can find a safe way to be yourself or if it would be safer to try to be more like everyone else. Singers, actors, authors, and that in-between group which cannot be classified are able to do a good job with this cusp.

Source: www.linda-goodman.com 

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Aquarius-Pisces Cusp -
Your Sun Sign Personality

February 18 to February 22
Those born on the Aquarius-Pisces cusp are sensitive. They are more open to their personal space and universal space than they are to worldly concerns. They spend time digging within themselves for better understanding. Managing day to day life may be more challenging for them because it is hard for them to focus on these mundane things.

Aquarius-Pisces wants experiences, but it is difficult for them to remain objective. Because of their ultra-sensitivity, this can be a difficult balance for them to achieve. For the best results, they need to put themselves out there and not hide away. They need to learn to feel more comfortable in this world.
Aquarius-Pisces is compassionate, imaginative and sympathetic to others. They set goals, but they may procrastinate or be so disorganized that they create their own obstacles. They may be eccentric and offbeat, but they are definitely original. They are often multi-talented and feel the need to change the world. This may be difficult since they can be painfully shy. They are sometimes blessed with incredible musical abilities.

Aquarius-Pisces is compassionate, imaginative and sympathetic to others. They set goals, but they may procrastinate or be so disorganized that they create their own obstacles. They may be eccentric and offbeat, but they are definitely original. They are often multi-talented and feel the need to change the world. This may be difficult since they can be painfully shy. They are sometimes blessed with incredible musical abilities.

Aquarius-Pisces likes to socialize. Being with others helps them relieve stress and anxiety. They love water activities. They are flirtatious and romantic, and they genuinely care for others. Their compassion is all-encompassing. They have a unique angle on the world that others just don't see.

Aquarius-Pisces is a natural psychic. If they don't get support for this at an early age, they will shut it down and pretend it doesn't exist. It may be difficult for them to open up to others once they realize they see things differently because they don't want to be ridiculed.

The Cusp of Sensitivity is known for tolerance, sensitivity, uniqueness, talent, artistic merit, emotions, practicality, dreaming, sensuality, idealism, flirtatiousness, pride, loyalty, romance, compassion, sympathy and imagination. They may also be pessimistic, hyper-sensitive, moody, secretive, impatient, stubborn, aloof, cold and quarrelsome.

 Some would call Aquarius-Pisces cusp a bit peculiar. They like luxury, and this desire may keep them in the day to day world enough to keep their business obligations. Their kind nature can make them overbook their time, trying to oblige everyone; then when they forget an engagement, they let people down. While they can exaggerate their accomplishments, they often decline telling about their failures or troubles. They love their freedom, and their dreaminess can lead to spiritual depth and insight. They may be responsible for amazing creative works. People are attracted to them, and in well balanced circumstances, they enjoy travel as well as delving into science or religion.

Source:http://www.alwaysastrology.com/aquarius-pisces-cusp.html 

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Characteristics, strength and weakness, advice for Aquarius-Pisces Cusp Between Feb 16 to Feb 22

CHARACTERISTICS :

The Zodiac position of this week is approximately 18-27 degree Aquarius. The season is midwinter, element is air and the ruler is Uranus. The Aquarius III period takes Acceptance as its central image. This period can be symbolically likened to a time in a person’s advanced age when a more accepting outlook has emerged. Many prejudices, preconceptions and judgmental attitudes have diminished in relevance and have perhaps been stripped away altogether. Although irritability and negativity can certainly rear their head at this late stage of life, many by this time have adopted a forgiving attitude toward themselves and the choices they have made, friends and loved ones – indeed, the world in general. For those who are religious, thoughts of the afterlife and a deepening sense of responsibility motivate charitable acts. Psychic powers, an enjoyment of the simple pleasures, humor and wisdom in thought and speech mark this time. Ideally, even those who may be struggling physically can manage to display a dignity and wholeness that is inspiring to younger people.

STRENGTH AND WEAKNESS :

They are affectionate, lively and inventive. The weakness is that they may blame themselves constantly. It is impossible for them to take advice from family members than from friends or even strangers.

ADVICE FOR THEM :

Accept your need for other people and cultivate meaningful social interaction. Remain open and accepting, but demand that others accept you as you are, too. Your psychic abilities are valuable – use them constructively. Beware of allowing rejection to lower your self-esteem.  Source:http://solutionastrology.com/sunsignbasicdetails.asp?sunsignbasicid=275

INTJs and Minimalism

I don't think all INTJs are minimalist, but from reading on intj.forum.com, I get the sense that many are or desire to be. That is because although INTJs hate the mundane, they also like structure and are very focused internally.

INTJ Minimalist Fashion Style
Many minimalist also seem to love to wear black. I think it is because they like a simple, minimalist wardrobe.
This is ironic because for as long as I can remember, save for a few years of experimentation when I first started working because I wanted to fit into corporate culture at the advice of a friend, I wore only black, red, blue and antique white/ivory. Although I did not use the title in junior high or high school, I was a covert goth, listening to the music and dressing in the colors, but not overly screaming for attention with extreme outfits. I still have the same gothic interests, such as poetry, literature, opera, gothic rock, and I de-cluttered my closet to find that my favorite items were still black, red and ivory. I do have the occasional indigo and purple, but I try not to as they don't match with the rest of my items.

Why a Simple or Minimalist Lifestyle is Appealing for INTJs
I find that when my apartment is full of too much stuff, or even when I don't have much as in my previous studio, and the apartment gets cluttered, I cannot work well until I clean it up. Even when it is clean, I take great pleasure from organizing my things periodically. However, this has resulted in many days wasted just reorganizing stuff. As a result, I made a decision in 2007 to embark on  a simpler, more minimalist lifestyle. Being an INTJ, I was not following the pack, especially in New York. Everet Bogue was not even on the scene yet. lol. (He just turned out to be a marketer and a fake, something INTJs detest anyway, because after he made loads of money on his book, he abandoned minimalisim with a new site called "F**k Minimalism.)

In any case, while I have certainly reached peaks and valleys on the simple living / minimalist path, but have stayed on it for the most part, periodically de-cluttering. I have had a new fire lately as I get older, and want to accomplish my life goals. I find that too many possessions distracts me from those goals, and causes wasted time and stress. I desire a life of intellectual richness and complexity, like many INTJs do, not one of "keeping up with the Joneses" or displaying your success through possessions as most of society does. I think it is an INTJ quality to look for solutions and improvement of things, and minimalism has been my solution to creating a more fulfilling and meaningful life for myself.

If you want to learn more about minimalism or how to go about starting a minimalist lifestyle or simply de-cluttering, check out my other blog www.simplicityandsuccess.com (formerly urbanminimalist.wordpress.com)

Please share your INTJ experiences and thoughts about possessions, fashion, minimalism, etc.

Time Management: Simple Daily Routine for a Productive Day

I am interested in varied subjects, and I enjoy reading very much. As a result, I spend a great deal of time reading blogs and other materials online. While I desire to understand concepts when I do research and compartmentalize information, I also desire application of these concepts and theories and a tangible result. Otherwise, I feel that my day is wasted, and I feel down and/or stressed/anxious. With it’s wonderful wealth of information, one can spend a whole day reading online. While acquiring knowledge is doing something, it does not produce a tangible result unless applied. To prevent oneself from getting carried away when reading or researching online, it helps me a lot to try to establish a simple routine in the morning to set the day. I personally hate days that are too routine or so structured that it does not allow creativity and originality, but to be successful routines and plans are necessary. Believe me, I have learned the hard way from years of procrastinating.

I don’t like strictly schedule days that are scheduled from hour to hour, but time estimation and a loose schedule is very necessary.

Simple Daily Routine for Success

1)      First, when you wake up, make your bed immediately before you leave the room. That gives you your first sense of accomplishing something to see a neat bed.

2)      Put on a pot of water to boil for tea or your coffee maker for tea, then brush your teeth. I have to add this because I often would head straight to the computer, forget about breakfast and then wonder why I am tired a few hours later.

3)      After you brush your teeth, as the water continues to boil or as your tea is being made, make yourself a healthy, balance breakfast. I like a whole grain English muffin / whole wheat toast, an egg and fresh fruit . When I wake up before 8 a.m., my stomach is very sensitive, so I will just have whole grain toast with cream cheese or a slice of cheese on the side and fruit, then have an egg around 10:00 a.m.

4)      Start your brain up by reading a blog or article relating to your most important work for 30 minutes.

5)  Then, begin your work relating to your most important life goal, and work on it for your scheduled time daily.  For me, it is studying to get into grad school. For those of you who are working, wake up an hour earlier and do something in relation to your most important goal, such as reading a book, learning a software in relation to it, etc. For those who are already doing work they enjoy, congratulations. When you get to work, make sure you work on the most important projects or most important clients first.

6) After you have worked for a few hours at your most important goal, take a break to have a snack of fruit or something else healthy if it is not yet lunchtime. You may choose to just eat and clear your mind, or you can read an enjoyable blog as a reward for your hard work.

7) Next, work on a personal project, such as de-cluttering, sewing, arranging your desk, etc.

8) After this, perhaps, it may be time for lunch. For those who work outside of the home, take a walk outside to clear your mind, even if it is for 15 minutes. Your brain will feel refreshed.

      For those who work at home, have lunch, then take the scenic route to do your errands and chores, such as grocery shopping, shopping for household necessities, laundry, picking up mail at the post office, etc. I personally hate crowds, we have our share of stores in NY, so the trees are a nice break. The trees or quite streets without stores also reduce the temptation to buy unnecessary things and the walk is very relaxing. (There was a time when I would visit many stores to see what is on sale, but I ended up wasting money and time, so I try to avoid going into stores unless I have something very specific that I need. If it is something that I want, I wait a week and see if I still want it.) Be sure that you are mindful of the time because after being indoors for most of the day thus far, you may loose track of time outside, especially if there are lines at the stores. I would say that you limit this outing to 1 hour if you're just doing shopping, and 3 hours if you are doing laundry. I generally do my grocery shopping on laundry days during the time which I wait for the clothing to go in the dryer. My laundromat is 3 streets away from home, and the grocery store is conveniently on the same block of the laundromat, so I take home the groceries at that time also. I am taking advantage of the convenience I pay for in a high cost of living in New York.

5)   When I return from my errands, I usually make dinner, then do another small project, such as altering a garment or cleaning the kitchen.

6) Then I award myself for all the small accomplishments of the day by doing something I enjoy for the rest of the day. For me it is writing a blog post or reading a book for pleasure or a blog I follow.

The time that you choose to do your main work may be different if  you have a very hard time getting up. I would say that I focus best late at night to early in the morning. However, my husband has to get to work before 8 a.m., and he has a commute that is one hour and a half to one hour and 45 minutes. So, to be considerate to him, I wake up at 6:00 a.m. with him. It does take me a little while to wake up and focus, which is why I take some time to read an article relating to my field before I get to studying. The pros is that I am still able to focus more in the morning than in the afternoon or evening. I also feel quite a sense of accomplishment when by 2 a.m., work that requires my mental concentration is done. I tend to crash mentally at 3 p.m., like many people, so that is why from 2:00 p.m. onward, I do hands-on or rote projects, errands, cooking, and hobbies for pleasure.

Please share your ideas on your routine for a productive day.

The Balance of Structure and Individuality

Loosing Structure 

For the last few years, I believed that I disliked structure very much. However, I also noticed that without structure, such as a schedule or to do list or a plan for my days, months and years, I have drifted from job to job and not moved closer to my personal and life goals. I didn’t quite understand my aversion to structure in those last few years as when I was a paralegal, I took a great sense of pride in accomplishing things in a measured time. Even before that, from my youth to my early 20s, I was always an achiever, who planned my goals, and took steps to achieve them.

Thinking about thesee things in the last week as I feel more driven to accomplish my goal of getting into a top grad school, I realized that I need stucture to be successful. I am an INTJ, not an INTP. I also realized that the reason I have had an aversion to structure in the past few years is because I began to associate structure with people trying to control me. This is due to my previous relationship, where the person was as such, and caused me great anxiety due to his infidelities. Additionaly, it is due to my having a two jobs where I was micromanaged, and structured in by my bosses in almost everything I did. I also began to associate structure with people I saw who are successful and very structured, but who are also verymainstream in their views and behaviors, while I am somewhat unconventional.

Structure does not mean conformity

I  began to associate structure with the lack of freedom to be myself, and an invisible hand of society to conform me to the thoughts and behaviors of most people. Subconsciously, I rebelled, not in the way I rebelled as a teen, where I went goth, with black clothing, high platform boots, streaks in my hair or safety pins and staples in my clothing. How I rebelled was in abandoning the desire and need for structure in my life, and instead doing what spurred me in the moment, not planning my days in detail, and trying to be more hippiesh, and procrastinating. However, I still could not help planning myself in some ways, such as planning where I will meet my friends, checking out the directions first, deciding what I would do if I arrived early, etc. Yet to not stick to the structure and rigidity of being punctual, which I associated with my structered jobs, I would decide to do the dishes or clean the apartment before I leave, and therefore, end up leaving later than I estimated and knew I should. I rebelled by impulsively shopping, yet ironically, I would plan that I would impulsively shop, such as which store, which isle I would start with, etc. While at the store, I still sorted through my options before I make my decision. The inpulse was in purchasing things that I didn’t need more of. My need for structure then led me to continously organize, categorize and de-clutter my items.

Success requires vision and a plan

 Looking back over the last few years, I realize that I have always been successful when I have a vision, a plan, and take small action steps daily to achieve that plan. My rebellion against the structure I need has led me to seek structure in other ways, such as my environment, yet since my internal views were not congruent, even that has not stayed structured as I would like, leading to a lot of stress and wasted time organizing. I have come to understand myself that I like structure and getting things done. I don’t feel accomplished just thinking about things, and drifting aimslessly in knowledge. I like my thoughts and ideas to translate into something tangiable, into something that can be achieved, and I need closure and accomplishment. What I don’t need is structure and control under someone else’s terms. I am after all, an INTJ. I am highly independent, resourceful and I need a balance of a path/structure to follow in a job, but also enough freedom to exercise my ideas, and demonstrate and build my skills.   

Oldham Personality Test

Another classification of personality types, set out based on personality disorders. Each profile lists possible types but also the function related.

http://www.personalityonline.com/tests/engine.html?testid=3

My results:

INTJ Personal Growth

Source: http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INTJ_per.html

What does Success mean to an INTJ?
People with the INTJ personality type are serious, analytical and perfectionistic. They look at a problem or idea from multiple perspectives and systematically analyze it with objective logic, discarding things that turn out to be problematic, and evolving their own understanding of something when new information turns out to be useful. There is no other personality type who does this as naturally as the INTJ. They are natural scientists and mathematicians. Once given an idea, they are driven to understand it as thoroughly as possible. They usually have very high standards for their own understanding and accomplishments, and generally will only value and consider other individuals who have shown that they meet or surpass the INTJ's own understanding on a given issue. INTJs value clarity and conciseness, and have little esteem for behaviors and attitudes that are purely social. Social "niceties" often seem unnecessary and perhaps even ungenuine to the INTJ, who is always seeking to improve their substantive understanding. INTJ's highly value social interaction that is centered around the meaningful exchange of ideas, but they usually dismiss the importance of being friendly or likeable in other social contexts, and they are likely to be uncomfortable with interactions that are primarily emotional, rather than logical. INTJs value structure, order, knowledge, competence, and logic. Above all, they value their own ideas and intuitions about the world. An INTJ's feeling of success depends primarily upon their own level of understanding and accomplishment, but also depends upon the level of structure in their life, and their ability to respect the intelligence and competence of those who share their life.
Allowing Your INTJ Strengths to Flourish
As an INTJ, you have gifts that are specific to your personality type that aren't natural strengths for other types. By recognizing your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you will more readily see your place in the world, and be more content with your role.
Nearly all INTJs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:

• The INTJ's mind is naturally geared towards systematically analyzing information from many contextual perspectives, and rejecting or retaining information as they become aware of its usefulness or validity. They probably do very well in school, and in any pursuit that requires serious analytical thinking.
• They're extremely insightful, and see things that are not obvious to others. This ability to see patterns and meanings in the world can help the INTJ in many different ways.
• When given a goal or context, an INTJ is able to generate all kinds of possibilities. They're able to see the problem from many different angles, and come up with a solution that fits the needs of the current situation.
• They don't take criticism personally, and are open to changing their opinions when they're shown a better idea or better way of doing something.
• An INTJ has a "stick to it" attitude. They're not afraid of hard work, and will put forth a great deal of effort towards something that they are interested in. This persistence will help the INTJ to achieve any identified goal.
• Usually intelligent and able to concentrate and focus, the INTJ can usually grasp difficult ideas and concepts.

INTJs who have a well-developed Extraverted Thinking function to complement their dominant Introverted iNtuition will enjoy these very special gifts:

• They can discriminate well amongst their intuitions and build ingenious systems to meet identified goals, or determine a successful plan of action to meet an identified need. In such a way, they may be brilliant scientists, doctors, mathematicians, or corporate strategists.
• Their deep understanding, logical abilities, and persistence may enable them to make discoveries or uncover new ways of looking at something. In such a way, they may perform a great service to society. For example, an INTJ is the likely personality type to discover the cure for cancer.
• The INTJ with well-developed judgment will be able to grasp and process concepts that are beyond what their natural intelligence appears to be able to handle.
• If they have achieved a good amount of life wisdom, an INTJ can become a powerful political force.

Potential Problem Areas
With any gift of strength, there is an associated weakness. Without "bad", there would be no "good". Without "difficult", there would be no "easy". We value our strengths, but we often curse and ignore our weaknesses. To grow as a person and get what we want out of life, we must not only capitalize upon our strengths, but also face our weaknesses and deal with them. That means taking a hard look at our personality type's potential problem areas.
INTJs are rare and intelligent people with many special gifts. This should be kept in mind as you read some of the more negative material about INTJ weaknesses. Remember that these weaknesses are natural. We offer this information to enact positive change, rather than as blatant criticism. We want you to grow into your full potential, and be the happiest and most successful person that you can become.
Most of the weaker characteristics that are found in INTJs are due to their dominant function (Introverted iNtuition) overtaking their personality to the point that the other forces in their personality exist merely to serve the purposes of Introverted iNtuition. In such cases, an INTJ may show some or all of the following weaknesses in varying degrees:

• May be unaware (and sometimes uncaring) of how they come across to others
• May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it
• May apply their judgment more often towards others, rather than towards themselves
• With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for problems in their own lives
• May look at external ideas and people with the primary purpose of finding fault
• May take pride in their ability to be critical and find fault in people and things
• May have unrealistic and/or unreasonable expectations of others
• May be intolerant of weaknesses in others
• May believe that they're always right
• May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others
• May have an intense and quick temper
• May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people
• May be wishy-washy and unsure how to act in situations that require quick decision making
• May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others
• May see so many tangents everywhere that they can't stay focused on the bottom line or the big picture

Explanation of Problems
Most of the problems described above are a result of Introverted iNtuition overtaking the INTJ's personality to the point that all of the other functions become slaves to Introverted iNtuition. A healthy personality needs to have a good balance between its dominant and auxiliary functions. For an INTJ, the dominant Introverted iNtuition needs to be well-supported by the auxiliary Extraverted Thinking function. If Extraverted Thinking exists only to support the desires of Introverted iNtuition, then neither function is being used to its potential.
Introverted iNtuition is a personality function that constantly gathers information, and sees everything from many different perspectives. As the dominant player in a personality, it has the effect of constantly bombarding the psyche with new information to consider. Introverted iNtuition is sort of like a framework for understanding that exists in the mind. As something is perceived, it is melded into the existing intuitive framework. If an entirely new piece of information is perceived by the Introverted iNtuitive, that person must redefine their entire framework of reference. So, Introverted iNtuitives are constantly taking in information about the world that needs to be processed in a relatively lengthy manner in order to be understood. That presents quite a challenge to the INTJ. It's not unusual for an INTJ to feel overwhelmed with all of the things that he or she needs to consider in order to fully understand an idea or situation.
When Introverted iNtuition dominates the INTJ such that the other functions cannot serve their own purposes, we find the INTJ cutting off information that it needs to consider. If the psyche is presented with information that looks anything like something that Introverted iNtuition has processed in the past, it uses Extraverted Thinking to quickly reject that information. The psyche uses Extraverted Thinking to reject the ideas, rather than analyzing the information within its intuitive framework, and therefore reduces the likelihood that the framework will have to be reshaped and redefined.
Using Extraverted Thinking in this manner serves the INTJ's psyche in two ways: 1) it saves it the energy that would have to be expended to truly consider new information, and 2) it protects the INTJ's sacred inner world. In either case, it is not ideal. It causes the INTJ to not consider information that may be useful or criticial in developing a real understanding of an issue. It also probably causes the INTJ to come off as too strongly opinionated or snobbish to others.
The better use of Extraverted Thinking for an INTJ would be to use it to assess the INTJ's rich insights and weigh them against the external world. When the INTJ personality uses Extraverted Thinking to cut off incoming information, rather than to judge internal intuitions, it is effectively cheating itself. It's like getting the answers to a test without having to really understand the questions. It's easier to get the answer right away, rather than to have to figure everything out. For the INTJ, who has a tremendous amount of information and "studying" that needs to be done, it's very tempting to take shortcuts. Most INTJs will do this to some extent. The real problems occur when an INTJ personality has become so imbalanced that its owner is extremely self-important and rarely consider anyone else's opinions or ideas.
Solutions
To grow as an individual, the INTJ needs to focus on applying their judgment to things only after they have gone through their intuition. In other words, the INTJ needs to consciously try not to use their judgment to dismiss ideas prematurely. Rather, they should use their judgment against their own ideas. One cannot effectively judge something that they don't understand. The INTJ needs to take things entirely into their intuition in order to understand them. It may be neccesary to give your intuition enough time to work through the new information so that it can rebuild its global framework of understanding. INTJs need to focus on using their judgment not to dismiss ideas, but rather to support their intuitive framework.
An INTJ who is concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to the subject of their judgments, and their motivation for making judgments. Are they judging something external to themself, or are they judging something that they have sifted through their intuition? Is the motivation for judging something to be able to understand its usefulness in the world, or to dismiss it? Too often, an INTJ will judge something without properly understanding it, and with the intention of dismissing it. Seek first to understand, then to judge.
Living Happily in our World as an INTJ
Some INTJs have difficulty fitting into our society. Their problems are generally associated with not knowing (or caring) how they come across to others, with having unreasonable expectations for others' behaviors, and with not putting forth effort to meet others' emotional needs. These issues stem primarily from the common INTJ habit of using Extraverted Thinking to find fault externally, rather than internally, and therefore diminish the importance of the external world, and increase the importance of the INTJ's own internal world. INTJs who recognize that their knowledge and understanding (and therefore general happiness and feeling of success) can be enriched by the synergy of other people's knowledge and understanding will find that they can be committed to their rich internal worlds and still have satisfying relationships with others. In order to accomplish this, the INTJ needs to recognize the importance of extraversion, and develop their highest extraverted function, Extraverted Thinking.
An INTJ who uses Extraverted Thinking to find fault externally rather than internally may become so strongly opinionated that they form rigid and unreasonable expectations for others. Their hyper-vigilant judgments about the rationality and competence of others may be a very effective way of keeping themselves at an emotional distance from others. This will preserve the sanctity of the INTJ's inner world of ideas, but will reduce a lot of valuable input, arrest the development of their social character, and stagnate the development of the INTJ's rich structural framework of understanding. In extreme cases, the INTJ may find himself or herself quite along and lonely.
More commonly, an INTJ's interpersonal problems will occur when they express their displeasure to those close to them in very biting and hurtful terms. Everyone needs emotional distance at one time or another, and the INTJ wants more than most types. Perhaps this is why INTJs are famous for their biting sarcasm. An INTJ's internal world is extremely important to them. They may be protecting their internal world by using sarcasm to keep others at an emotional distance, or they may be sarcastic with others because they believe that they have the more evolved and logical understanding of the issue at hand, and seek to cut off the spurious input that they're receiving. This is an important distinction to recognize. An INTJ who is seeking an emotional respite can find ways to be alone that don't require injuring feelings and damaging relationships. When distance is required, the INTJ should just "leave". If an explanation is necessary, an INTJ should use their Extraverted Thinking to explain their need rationally and objectively, rather than using Extraverted Thinking to insult the other person, and therefore prod them into leaving.
Specific suggestions:

• Take care to listen to someone's idea entirely before you pass judgment on it. Ask questions if necessary. Do whatever it takes to make sure that you understand the idea. Try not to begin judging anything about the idea until you have understood it entirely.
• Before you begin talking to another person, pause for a moment and look at that person. Take in that person's attitude and feelings at that moment. Be aware of the person with whom you're speaking.
• If you become upset, walk away immediately. DO NOT express anger. When you get angry, you lose. After you have calmed down, apologize for leaving and continue with what you were doing.
• Try to identify the personality type of everyone that you encounter frequently in your life. Remember that people with the Sensing preference need to be communicated with in a direct, concise manner. Speak plainly and simply with Sensors, giving "yes" or "no" answers.
• Try to be on good terms with all people, even those that you consider beneath you. Try to understand that everybody has something to offer.
• When you make judgments or decisions, try to be aware of your motivation for making the judgment. Are you more interested in finding fault externally, or in improving your own understanding? Seek first to understand, and then to judge.

Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve INTJ Success

1. Feed Your Strengths! Do things that allow your brilliant intuition and logical abilities to flourish. Explore the fascinating worlds of science, mathematics, law and medicine. Give your mind an outlet for its exceptional analytical abilities, and watch them grow.
2. Face Your Weaknesses! See your weaknesses for what they are, and seek to overcome them. Especially, strive to use your judgment against your internal ideas and intuitions, rather than as a means of disregarding other people's ideas.
3. Talk Through Your Thoughts. You need to step through your intuitions in order to put them into perspective. Give yourself time to do this, and take advantage of discussing ideas with others. You'll find externalizing your internal intuitions to be a valuable exercise. If you don't have someone to discuss your ideas with, try expressing your ideas clearly in writing.
4. Take in Everything. Don't dismiss ideas prematurely because you don't respect the person generating the ideas, or because you think you already know it all. After all, everybody has something to offer, and nobody knows everything. Steven Covey says it so well when he says: "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."
5. When You Get Angry, You Lose. Your passion and intensity are strong assets, but can be very harmful if you allow yourself to fall into the "Anger Trap". Remember that Anger is destructive to your personal relationships. Work through your anger before you impress it upon others, or you will likely find yourself alone. Disagreements and disappointments can only be handled effectively in a non-personal and dispassionate manner.
6. Respect your Need for Intellectual Compatibility Don't expect yourself to be a "touchy-feely" or "warm-fuzzy" person. Realize that your most ardent bonds with others will start with the head, rather than the heart. Be aware of other's emotional needs, and express your genuine love and respect for them in terms that are real to YOU. Be yourself.
7. Be Accountable for Yourself. Don't blame the problems in your life on other people. Look inwardly for solutions. No one has more control over your life than you have.
8. Be Humble. Judge yourself at least as harshly as you judge others.
9. Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself and others by dwelling on the dark side of everything. Just as there is a positive charge for every negative charge, there is a light side to every dark side. Remember that positive situations are created by positive attitudes. Expect the best, and the best will come forward.
10. Don't Get Isolated! Recognize the value that the external world represents to you, and interact with it in the style that's natural to you. Join clubs and internet e-mail lists that house in-depth discussions of topics that you're interested in. Seek and foster friendships with others of like competence and capacity for understanding. Extravert in your own style.