Re-Inspired by a Storm and Isolation

Re-Inspired by a Storm and Isolation

I wrote the draft of this post when the hurricane/super storm Sandy was occurring in New York. The storm made me feel how fragile we humans and our lives are, and I came to a few realizations that I would like to hold on to and share as well.

Below are my thoughts during the storm:


While I don't want people's homes to be flooded, and I have been checking up on my loved ones, I'm actually loving the storm. The wind is howling as you can hear in the above video that I filmed from my window. The trees having been swaying a bit dangerously as the wind is blowing at 90 mph, and the windows are rattling so much that they sound like they could crack. The above video does not demonstrate how extreme it was. I'm keeping the camera quit still. The sky has been dark and dreary all day. No one is outside, and cars rarely pass by. Yet, I honestly love it. I have always enjoyed the rain when I am indoors. I love to see it on the wet leaves on the trees and on the pavement, which is why autumn has always been my favorite season. I know its odd to like storms and dreary weather, but it is quite peaceful, it mirrors my mood at times, and it reminds me that I'm human and how fragile, yet precious is life.

I haven't been quite productive, but I've enjoyed this lazy day of watching missed re-runs of The Vampire Diaries and True Blood.

I do hope to get some housework done after one more episode as I just returned from a trip from San Antonio with my husband. Ironically, we left sunny weather, with the temperatures at approximately 88 degrees. My husband had a work assignment, and it was the first time I had ever left my home or New York for more than a week and a half. I was there for 3 weeks, and it was so freeing being away from all the clutter in my apartment. As I mentioned in some of my recent posts, I've been trying to Ho back to a minimalist lifestyle because I find that whenever I have more than I need and use, I get very unfocused, and it brings on bouts of moderate depression. However, I have been struggling with letting things go because I am only working 8 - 10 hours a week now, and I felt like I was wasting and loosing money by donating or discarding my items.

However, this trip was quite an eye opener on how badly my possessions were draining my energy. Since my husband was working, we only went out on weekends. During the week, I was so focused and my mind more free that I've been for years now that I was able to get some work and reading done. Usually, I am so immobilized by all my possessions that I just surf the web or watch videos because I can focus due to the visual distraction of things that need to be organized and cleaned. Now, I'm not a hoarder as you see on A&E, but I do tend to compulsively shop when I am in a down mood. I have moderate OCD, and am a very visual person, so a cluttered house drives me nuts, but with so many things brought in by my shopping, I can't think, and feel overwhelmed with where to start decluttering. This habit started slowly in a few years ago, bug got very bad. I've gone from moving out with a large duffle bag and books, then moving from my second apartment in 2008 with just 3 suitcases comprising of all my possessions (clothing, books, shoes, bags) to 4 three by two feet closets of clothing hanging in those closets, 1 closet of shoes and bags, and 1 bin of fabric and trim. My books are contained to just a very small bookshelf because I mostly purchase eBooks now. In 2009, I only had 113 items of clothing. So, in three years my OCD and depression has made me hit rock bottom. I saw a therapist, but she did psychoanalysis, which was not helpful because I already knew my issue was depression and mild OCD. I am still looking for a cognitive behavioral therapist. When I was away Fromm home for ten three weeks, I did have some obsessive thoughts and some dark moments but I was able to deal with it by self talk and by doing my work, do they passed. However, when I'm home I'm in such an overwhelmed state that I don't have the energy to employ coping strategies.

So, I've decided to not even think about my possessions and whether I need it in the far future, I've decided only to keep only items I wore this year or that I intend to wear in the next 3 winter months. For instance, I wear mostly black, but I have quite a number of red tops, skirts and dresses just because color red is my favorite color in addition to black. I'm putting these in the donation bag without a thought of future use.

The past is the past, and we cannot hold on to it or the money or opportunities list. Nor can we plan for the future in detail, but rather just to a vague extent. My trip gave me the impetus to go back to a mknslist lifestyle. I will post more on my progress, and I hope that it helps you as well. Anyone with OCD, depression or who is a minimalist who has advice if comments to share, I welcome and appreciate them.

Thanks for reading.

Finding Your Jung Myers-Briggs Personality Type

To fulfill the most of your potential, I think that it is essential to know your personality type. To understand myself in the past, I have read in depth horoscopes (western, Chinese, Vedic), but none have really placed me as a person. While there have been some things that are accurate or in the way that some may see me, they never described me. I also looked at my parents, siblings and grandparents, and while we have some similarities as some personality traits are inherited and behavior is learned, I still felt very different in many ways.

I have taken several personality tests over the years, and except for a few occassions where I placed as an INTP, I have placed as an INTJ over 50 times over the last 5 years. I feel that the description fits me quite well, except that I have learned to be more compassionate due to my upbringing and because because our society values it. I don't always do what society values, but I believe that compassion is a good quality to have.

Here are my specific and most recent scores. They vary from time to time in terms of percentage, but not in extreme variations.

Here is the link to the personality test. I have taken several others, but I feel that the questions in this one are the most clear and comprehensive. I will post the links to the other test at the bottom of this post as well.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Out of curiosity, I have asked a few friends who have taken it to share their results with me, and their results have pegged them very well, and allowed me a greater understanding of them as well.

Below is a description of my type, INTJ.

INTJ In-Depth Personality Description

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Thinking)

Source: http://www.personalitypage.com/INTJ.html

---

The Scientist

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically. INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action. 

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort.

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas.

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

INTJs are ambitious, self-confident, deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns.

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal.

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists. 

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life. 

Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Thinking
Tertiary: Introverted Feeling
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

Other INTJ Portrait Descriptions:

http://www.keirsey.com/4temps/mastermind.asp

http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/intj/

http://www.santafecoach.com/Ptest/intj.htm

 Other Jung Myers-Briggs Based Tests

http://similarminds.com/jung.html

http://www.better-mind.com/component/option,com_jumi/Itemid,311/fileid,8/

Psychological Implications of Clutter

INTJs need organization and structure to function optimaly. Our cousins INTP are quite all right and at ease with a little clutter, but it sharply hinders our productivity and bothers us immensely.

I can only truly focus when my desk is absolutely clear, and my home is organized. I am a very visual person and being an INTJ, disorder drives me crazy and is quite distracting and draining. I am very strict about cleaning my house weekly, and I never fail on sweeping and mopping as I have major dust allergies. However, sometimes when I am not not feeling well for a week or two or if I fall behind on organizing and cleaning surfaces, the house can get a bit cluttered. As I am very perfectionist about organization (very INTJ), I don't like to do it unless I have the time to make it as best to my standards. I don't always have the time, so I have gotten overwhelmed at times or just put it off, and it then becomes a vicious cycle of clutter and lack of productivity. I have reorganized every week or two, but reorganizing is not enough because the clutter returns. At first, I thought it is because I don’t have enough time to clean as before and that I don’t put things in their rightful places because I am sometimes in a rush. One solution I have realized from looking back on my life is to try to de-clutter and lessen my possessions as it is impossible to organize and clean too many items.

Many times we keep items because it gives us a sense of security. A guest on Oprah noted that many people keep things and develop clutter because they fear the future, or for other psychological reasons. I am a not a compulsive hoarder, it would be advisable that readers take a look at this link if they have a problem with clutter and hoarding.

We can all relate to some of these items in some manner, but the most important thing is to not let yourself slip too much if you do slip. I notice that I always buy stuff or keep stuff to alleviate boredom and take my mind off stress or insecurity about the future. I started  buying items after I got a job because I was not able to without feeling guilty to when I was not working,  and I indulged now that I got a job.

I watched a movie called Mongul about the life of Ghengis Khan, and the rusticness and nomadicness of life back then really appealed to me, though not the violence. It always makes me appreciate my life, and make me feel happiess when I live as simply and with as few items as possible. Having too many items lures us into a false sense of security especially when you may feel you do not have control in your life in some areas, or are unsatisfied in some areas. However, it actually does not alleviate those feelings, but adds  more fuel to it because many possessions make you loose your control of what is important to you as you are bombarded with so many items. It also takes away from your time as you have to care for, clean and some even subconciously worry about loosing stuff. Make sure that security is in yourself and your life, not in your possessions.

Alleviating Depression - Focus on What You Enjoy & True Friends

For those who are in a down mood or struggle from depression, I found it more helpful to learn about how to be happier rather that to learn more about depression. I have read quite a bit of literature on depression, suffering from moderate depression (dysthymia) in the past. There were some days where no self talk made me better as an INTJ, I turn every idea around and analyze it, so saw holes in the self talk. 

So, I find that the best way for getting though a dark day or mood is by doing things that I truly enjoy (the brilliant advice of my husband), such as reading some literature, writing a poem or story, sewing or seeing a friend.  What you enjoy may vary, of course. On days that I am not at my lowest, if I feel a little drained, I try to focus on things that make me less sad. While, those with depression will never be as  happy as the average person and those major depression may need both medication and therapy from a professional, there are still things we can do on a regular basis to ease moderate dark feelings or moods. I have accomplished some of my best creative projects in those dark moods, so I do not hate them and I embrace the dark and light sides of life in so many ways. Dark moods may be something that analytical and refelctive people like INTJs may encounter more that others. However, it is important to view it from a a place of power, where you deal with it, and do not let it debilitate you. 

On this note, here is a great video by Nobel laureate, Daniel Kahneman, on the subject of happiness that you may find useful.  

One thing that is very important in my own experience if you have depression is to surround yourself with people who are positive and caring. I used to have a good number of friends, but some of them were very critical, competitive and negative. I can appreciate intellectual debate any day, but I find personal attacks and criticism for no reason to be done only by insecure or self absorbed people. So, now I choose to maintain only a few close friendships and I am much happier after seeing them once a month, than when I saw my many friends a few times a week. 

Kahneman also found that based on a survey of 600,000 Americans that happiness corresponds to if you  "spend time with people you like". He said: “Below 60,000 dollars a year, people are unhappy, and they get progressively unhappier the poorer they get. Above that, we get an absolutely flat line. I mean I’ve rarely seen lines so flat."

 

INTJ Friendships and INTJ Females

INTJ Women - Not Your Typical Females

INTJ women are said to be very rare. INTJs make up 2-3% of the population according to most reputable personality surveys and experts. Of that 3%, only .5% to 1% are female. A few studies even say that only .3% of INTJs are female. Whatever the actual figure, that means that only .3 to 1% of the general population are INTJ females. That is very rare indeed.

Understandably after seeing that statistic, a lot of people have a hard time figuring out INTJ women as most of them are not into the usual girly stuff as much as other women. This is not to say that they are all tomboys, but they are more interested in science, technology, literature and are more bookish and logical can most females. For many INTJs, fashion is just for utility, such as to be appropriate for their given activity. This does not mean that INTJ don't like to look nice or feminine, but even when they show an interest in fashion, it is not obsessive, but is for form and function - i.e. for the purpose of looking neat, presentable and appropriate for the situation. I can relate to this as I didn't care much for fashion for most of my life, and actually dressed more goth (i.e. mostly black) in high school and college. I saw fashion as just a way to be myself, and have never followed fashion trends. I experimented with fashion for a short period in my life because people told me that I needed to project a certain image for my career. So, I purchased a lot of clothing, even in red and blue, but later, this got boring for me, as I thought it was illogical and trite if people judged me by the colors or brands of clothing I was wearing, rather than my merit. Now, I am back to mainly black clothing (though I do like red, but use it for accessories) because of it's utility and it's mystery. Ironically, I read in an INTJ forum once that most INTJs actually prefer black clothing.

One thing that is sure is that you will rarely find INTJ women enjoying shopping as if it was a sport or bonding experience, which most women do. I personally get utterly bored if shopping becomes the main activity that a friend prefers to do (although I make an exception for book shopping or antique stores for their novelty). I also get utterly annoyed when a friend insists on "dressing to the nines" or putting on a mask-ful of makeup for a simple lunch or dinner date with just the two of us. I am much more interested in what a friend has to say than what they are wearing. I used to have friends like that, and while I don't dislike them, I found these activities and behavior trite. Consequently, the few people that I consider my close friends after all these years are similar to me in this way.

Even deeper than fashion, INTJ women have a hard time relating to other females with their obsession over celebrities, shopping and relationship. This is not to say that they are not caring people, but they would much rather meet friends to discuss philosophy, physics or literature than what shoe they bought or which crush they have. In my own life, I have turned down many invitations of dinner or drinks with acquaintances to read a novel or watch a History Channel special. I am socially adept, but I prefer solitary activities or the company of a few close friends who share my interests.

In terms of expression of emotions, INTJ women sometimes are misunderstood. They actually feel deeply, but they are not as expressive. INTJ women may go weeks or even a few months without calling or hanging out with a friend, but care deeply about that friend. Personally, if a friend doesn't call me for a few weeks, as long as I know that they are doing all right, I don't hold it against them, although I will sometimes miss their company and intellectual stimulation. However, most women and men feel slighted when a friend does not show attention. I have made an effort over the years to be more consistent in things like that as social codes seem to require that consistency. So, I try to see my 5 close friends (who have gone through a rigorous process and analysis over the years in my mind for me to consider them close friends and who have demonstrated mutual interest and effort) every few weeks, or say something encouraging to them via email or Facebook show I am thinking of them. I will be honest and say that sentimental words whether said online or in person with friends still leave me feeling a bit uncomfortable, though. I certainly feel them and mean them, but I feel awkward expressing them.

INTJ Friendships

 Before I truly understood my type, I felt an uneasiness with myself. From as far as I could remember as a child, I was a bit of a loner with only 3 friends, whom I only hung out with once in a week. In Junior High, I spent more time with 2 close friends, who I am still very close with as we have many similar interests. Being a loner never bothered me and I was quite happy with solitary activities and my few close friends. However, in high school, I started to feel uneasy because the Western ideal is to praise popular or extroverted teens. I bounced from one group in the three years I was there (I finished high school a year early), my longest stay with few regular kids and a few punk/goth kids, but all these friendships faded after high school as I didn't have much in common with them as did my friendships in college, where I had quite a few friends. I continued to hang out with many friends after college, but while they were nice people, I felt little fulfillment from the friendships because I had little in common in terms of interests and personality. So, I started just hanging out with a few friends that I really relate to, and I couldn't be happier. As an INTJ, I can say from experience that it is true when profiles of us say that we would much rather have 3 very deep friendships, than 10 surface ones.

To be frank, I understand the value of friendship, but I really enjoy my own company. The world says that one should have a lot of friends and a large support network, but that just does not work for INTJs. We get bored very easily, and need very intellectual friends who would are not afraid to talk about serious matters. I used to force myself to see friends so they would not think that I didn't care, but now, I am very honest with friends and I see them every now and them, (unless they need me very badly, in which case I am reliable). True friends accept you as you are as long as you are respectful.

Friendship Advice for INTJS 

 So, to INTJs, be they male or female, I encourage you to first accept that there is nothing wrong with you to prefer solitary activities as long as it is not pathological (such as due to extreme depression). Secondly, I encourage you to seek friendships based on intellect, common interests, personality, values and mutual understanding. Do not hang out or have friends just to kill time or because 90% of the world thinks it should be so. Thirdly, make an effort to reach out to friends to hang out with them every now and then. I will confess that I have a loose schedule of when to see my friends. I know- it's very INTJ, to plan that. Fourthly, don't expect friends to understand you completely, but they must accept you if you are true friends, and you must accept them (respect debate is all right). INTJs are only 3% of the population, so you can't expect most people to understand you. It just means that you are different, but different is not bad. As you further yourself, your interests and your growth as a person, a few amazing friends will also come your way.